Summing up

Once I was told that too much care is annoying and tiring. I was given advice to find some friends and spend more time with them - “Communication would broaden your horizons, sitting home and focusing on one person leads to degradation. And I can’t reply on your calls when have presentation with customers”.
People used to cover in polite form what they really mean. So that speech should be said in one short sentence: There is too much of you in my life, go somewhere.

Being scared on degradation thing I rushed to the old notebooks and started calling in alphabetical order to everyone whom ever have named a friend. We hanged out in cafes. I haven’t missed anyone’s birthday or party anymore and made a rule to call once in two weeks to every person. At the beginning it was quite hard to meet all those people, because I did not need them sincerely and being dishonest always makes me suffer. Every time has forced myself go somewhere in the evening or on weekends, the time, which I loved most of all spend home with my honey.

Result of my ‘friends’ campaign turned into good thing – old connections were restored and I truly started get pleasure being out home with people. Not sure about horizons broadening, but almost every weekend we have fun making little parties: just yesterday one friend of mine brought me as souvenir a huge Bedouin drum and lot of stories about her romantic adventures in Egypt. We have played maqsum together for other guests until my neighbors started to yell. She promised to take me with to Cairo next time…

And later, very same evening, I was told that I’m not caring. That my weird guests are annoying and tiring and have bad influence on me. “Your phone is always busy! I want go home and to see somebody greets me instead of short notes where the supper is!!”

It was great candy, divine musica for my ears. People sometimes cover in a rude form things which would better said tenderly. Why not to say: Be back, I need you.

Tomorrow is going to be a great day, everyone is wellcome

- Allo? (What idiot can call at 8.00 am?! It's so ill-mannered to call before 10 am and after 22 pm! I didn't sleep last 2 months, don't they know??)

- Yes!! Hi, baby! How are you? How is kid? We will come tomorrow, what present do you want!!

- Well, I will have staging, my performance... you know...will be a bit busy, ain’t going celebrate anything…(I’m here telling: I don’t want see you tomorrow!!!)

- Great!! We all will come and will see your staging! Where and when it is going to be?

- I still dunno exactly, somewhere in the evening…:(( (I scream: do not come!!)

- Good! We will come in the morning and spend all day together not to miss your performance!!
So what do you want as present?

- Thanks, nothing, I have everything yet :((( (Just leave me alone now, tomorrow and forever!!)

- Okey, I found a great Christmas tree for you, baby-girl will like it too!

- Great, will wait :(((( (for your sudden death apparently, but afraid i'll make suicide faster!!)

I cried

Walking, walking on the moon

Theory about moon sucks. It doesn’t work for urban creatures like me. Having chaos in the head, have same chaos with body, no cycles, nothing certain, never know what and where is going to happen.
Haven’t slept last nights, had too many thoughts. Want so much to fall asleep and never awake. One long sweet infinite sleep isn’t it great?
I remembered experience of two people, who were dieing and shared their feelings and reflections. The first was an old lady. She lay in a bed and her granddaughter asked, what granny was thinking about in her last moments. Whether she has remembered her childhood, or may be she was thinking about God and life after death. An old respectful woman replied the one thing which was in her mind is all her lovers.
Another situation is about men, who fall out the window of 5th floor. He survived and friends used to ask him, what he felt while falling – does all his life rushed off his eyes, like in cinema? He said, no guys, there were only one thing in my head. Not a thing but a word actually. There was one short word: “F*CK!!!”
In critical situations I used to think about weird things too. I’ve thought if I’m dead, I will lie in a coffin and lot of people (huh…hopes, dreams :)) will come to part with me, and my haircut and nails must be perfect. So yesterday I went to salon and made manicure and cut hairs…I’ve never been so much beautiful before! Better I will stay alive.

Happiness is for deserved only

We are responsible for our emotions and sufferings. Outside factors are visual and reason is inside. If suffering is unbearable then why you, victim, keep on being in that situation? Frankly answers depending on character would be:
- I afraid to quit because there could be even worse (cowardice)
- I would have to try very hard afterwards, if I quite (let I better remain that lazy and weak-willed as now)
- Somebody quitted and achieved nothing in the end (I’m lack of self-confidence, I love to inherit losers experience)
- I can’t: have no time, no opportunity, no talent, no health, no suitable age + 355 “no” (I’m just lazy and going to defend my laziness with thousands arguments)

Suffering, digging in our sadness and unhappiness gives us additional value in our eyes. It is so sweet to feel like a poor victim. Sympathize of surrounding is sweeter then honey.

Written above is related to the next situation: One person (attacker) enjoys turning into hell life of another person (victim). Victim never fights back, preferring keep distance, lose positions and support imaginative peace and respect. It makes victim feel very uncomfortable and unhappy. I don’t know how to help her.

Wingy words, mission

The first is: pithy sayings, proverbs are product of somebody’s great life experience and investigations. It tastes good for the one owner only, because it is only his experience. Repeating somebody’s words is neither creative nor smart. It smells and tastes like a cake that was in use in somebody’s stomach and then ejected back. Not too tasty, isn’t it?

The second: My girl won’t be an engineer, neither a dancer nor an artist. She will be…a cleaning lady! Because her mother from dusk till dawn busy with cleaning floors, windows and furniture after that terrible workers who make reconstruction. Of course physical activities are useful, but not that hard and annoying!!! Oh God, I’m starting to miss my office…And there is nobody to blame, initiator of global reconstruction and everything else was myself. It is hard sometimes to make all decisions on your own and take responsibility for them. No, it is always hard. May he accuse me for all the challenges which I bring into his life, but stability is a way to nowhere. The last stage of complete rest is death. So, little chaos probably will inspire for creative deeds and the main advantage – he will never be boring with me.

The third: I’m not guilty, everything is because of nestling instinct, hormones, you know…

If you attached to a wrong person and it tears your heart

As I have no my own problems, I worry about others. Today is about those who suffer because of unhappy love. The first and last time I had such tragedy in 16, afterwards all my loves (all 1) were rather comedy. Having such great life experience I would want to show my generosity and share with you a directive, which helps to cure heart’s pain.

Life is a field of miracles. You plant this field with seeds BY YOURSELF. YOU plant it with Wisdom. Wisdom, in my opinion, it is knowledge of spiritual lows and their absolute performing in practice, with pure heart and soul. So, you plant on the field of miracles love, generosity, charity and here comes HE. You notice his moral principles. You see his soul storage is empty, his goals differs from yours. He is not field-crop grower shortly.

What to do?

Keep improving YOUR field of miracles…without him.

Harvest will be brought! Be sure!

Never regret if you ever have done something good, if you have given, favored, presented, tried to understand ect.

You have done it for YOURSELF. Harvest will be brought. But you will gather it with another person. With somebody, who planted, poured, spud and looked forward to his own work even without you. But He is also field-crop grower! There is exists such men!

Don’t regret that you have met a person with other criteria and wasted your time, energy and even money.

They were not wasted! Harvest will be brought on your field of miracles.

He just is not able to get such things. He is not for you. And remember: never be jealous if he has somebody else: he seeks for what he can get more, but not what he can give more. Sympathize him, because his field of miracles is empty and nothing will grow there. Generous and empathetic person can’t be attached to greedy and harsh one, because there is no energy exchange, no shared feelings. This situation doesn’t worth warring about.

Take a vacation better!

You are not on the way with him. Give yourself “excellent” mark for generosity, kindness, total mercifulness and love. All these things will come to YOU from another side.

Be sure! Good luck! Be happy! You have passed an exam!

Girl!

Several days ago I had regular screening in another cool diagnostic center, came there in perfect mood, on my term they usually make the first supposition about sex of future baby. Doctor with big sad eyes has made all manipulations and with sepulchral and tragic voice he informed, that can’t find necessary “instrument”, so it is going to be a girl. This was the best news I’ve ever heard in my life, so I was close to kiss and hug him heavily, but dared to shake his hand only. I dreamed about pleasure of babying little doll since early childhood… Hope she will inherit my tribal females’ beauty and wise kind nature of her father. I miss yet kissing her cute little hands and plump chicks, miss dressing her in fetching attire and combing her golden curls. She will be able to dance before learn to walk.

If you had a chance to return in the past or jump to future

I find my past too much scary and not sure I would be strong enough to survive once more if I’m there because last years, full of happiness, made me soft and relaxed.

Just regret about several accidents, when acted meanly in the past, it would worth to be corrected. Those insulted people didn’t deserve what I’ve made to them and sorrow will always tear my heart.

But global, important things, which I would want to avoid in past or change somehow, they are unfortunately beyond the power. And in the end all hell what I've had gives me a taste of present’s beauty and happiness.

A future seemed to be very bright and if it is not, I am sure it can’t be worse than past for sure, prefer to have nice surprises day by day than to know how everything will happen.

Really feel shame to be too much careless, happy and satisfied…

Garbage

When it is hard to breathe in your apartments, and every square meter is full of useless but dear things it is time to think how to give up with garbage collection. It’s not really easy because you get used to your rubbish very much, every crappy object remain some moment of your life, so you need some technique to get rid of it. Walk around all rooms and put the most needless things to the pack. After it is in pack you can’t take it out again – it is rule of game. Then ask your half do the same, be sure, he will throw out everything the dearest for you – Cosmopolitans, dry bunches of roses, love-stories in soft covers, broken hair-pins and empty cosmetic tubes. Now is your turn. Don’t be softy anymore and get rid of his car magazines, having a hole socks, t-shirts from childhood, favorite rucksack from teenage and other “important” refuse. If your half didn’t decide that it would be easier to get rid of you after all, then you can try one more cycle and select unnecessary books together.
Till the end of Sunday we throw away about 200 books (math, physics and biology for every school year and Ukrainian/soviet patriotic novels) and several sacks of other crap. Our clean flat with new empty space drove me into such ecstasies, that I wanted to get rid of computer table (with computer and discs), but hon promised to do the same with a huge mirror, so I had to respect his touching affection to machine.

Relatives-in-low

Entertaining started since Saturday, when honey said we are going to visit his mother. I was like, oh I started to feel very sick right now and better stay home. He knows me too good and pure lie didn’t help. The only thing which I was able to get was promise the visit will not be too long and we will not visit all other his numerous relatives from the village. I was naïve enough to believe, and so, we were on the road to hostile camp. I didn’t worry too much until we stopped in some road shop and bought 16 portions of ice creams. For my reasonable what the fuck question, he answered with shy angelic smile there will be couple of siblings and cousins as well. I’ve tried to escape, but it wasn’t easy without money on the forest route. Remaining part of the road, I was thinking, why it is so difficult to communicate with relatives in low and is there any solution to fix it. The best idea which came to my head was emigrating to Australia or Finland. There are lots of difficulties between mother-in-low and sons’ wives which are funny enlighten in folklore and anecdotes, but there is no fun, when it connects your own life.
My relations with –in-lows are hard for several particular reasons. The main reason is material, nobody ever helps us, but everyone doesn’t hesitate to ask for help and to blame our greediness. It is disgusting, when some guys complain about difficulties of making career, when you have no connections. I would recommend to 20-30th age teenagers, living with parents, to get marry and to try support their families and both parents’ families. It certainly would help to grow. The second reason is way of living. I do not understand people who do nothing for their well-being, who invest money in new mobile models instead of education or something what grows in price. It is fun, how such people judge others for their cloths and mobiles and after 5 minutes ask to borrow some money. My family in low considers studding is wasting of time. Their principle if you have food today, life is good, let tomorrow will be end of the world, they don’t care. I’m so envious of their continuous nirvana, if I was able not to care that much, I would be definitely much happier. And the last is communication. They never hesitate to tell what is in mind. They will never lie to you. If my mother in low hates my hairs and new dress, she will immediately say, baby, you look like shit, beat your hairdresser and never put on that terrible sack again. She is really hearty kind woman, but muddle-headed and simple like 5 cent. I’m always delicate and diplomatic liar after such comments don’t know at all how to talk further. Our communication is always hard and weird, but in the end useful, I try to learn how to be easier. Our visit lasted whole day, after significant discussion I got known mama needs new teeth, brothers need money for car repair, and they were informed we will need a bed for baby and good clinic for me soon. After lunch I fall asleep and slept until hon decided return home. Everything wasn’t that terrible as I expected.

One day of life

Prayer: ...Господи , помоги мне , грешному , не дай глупостей натворить-наделать , а если уж наделаю , то пусть уроком мне будет , а не как обычно - хи-хи , ха-ха , забухал , да забыл

6.30 – alarm
6.40 – He: honey, pls, wake up
She: noooo…
6.50 – He: my sunnie, pls, wake up, you need a lot of time for morning procedures
She: oooohhh…go away…
7.00 – He: it’s 7.00 yet, don’t we go to the work today?
She: You don’t love me!
The most hard procedure is to wake body up from bed and drag to bathroom…Done. Hot water streams lull to sleep, eyes still closed…Slowly she turn’s tap to cold, icy water sizzle skin, to shock body more returns to boiling hot, then to icy back, 5-6 times, until skin becomes rosy and doesn’t able to feel anything. After such torture sleep is gone, but bad mood and hard head is not.
He carefully has a look at the bathroom: “Honey, what would you like for a breakfast?’
- Don’t know, leave me alone
He goes to the kitchen. There is nothing for fast cooking. In 5 minutes returns back, asking again.
She yells in rage: “Don’t you have any fantasy? Cook whatever you want and leave me alone. Don’t talk to me! Disappear! Now!”
He breathes hard and sadly returns to a kitchen
7.30 She turns some music and makes usual vision gymnastic and dancing. He is done with breakfast and does some physical training
7.40 She: I have nothing to wear today! You never buy me clothes! I hate you!
He: In 5 minute we will eat, hurry up, pls
7.45 Breakfast
She: What the shit it is? Do you really think I will eat it?
He: Oh God! In previous life I was a very bad person and in this life you sent to me such a terrible wife. Please, forgive my faults! Don’t make me suffer so much!
7.55 She feels better and a bit guilty. He drives car silently
8.15 She feels perfect and very guilty. Modest attempts of pardoning and flattering
He is hurt, silent, all in road and traffic
8.30 Her assertive pardoning, promises never behave that way again, flattering, flirting, kissing and hugging.
His distrust, pain, offence, softening, forgiveness
8.45 Traffic jump on the bridge. It is good time for hair-do and light make up
9.00 Deadline for lateness, she is still on the bridge
9.15 Finally arrived. Turns on pc in office
9.20 – 10. 00 Read correspondence and news
10.00 – 10.40 Coffee-break
10.40 – 12.00 Reading books, blogs, forums, magazines
12.00 – 14.00 Lunch time, shopping, private phone calls
14.00 – 15.30 Watching to empty monitors, thinking about life, writing
15.30 – 16.30 Snack, coffee-break
16.30 – 18.00 Headache, meditation with monitors, practice of sleeping with open eyes technique
18.10 She leaves the office. Headache, prostration, acousticophobia, photophobia, killing hunger and tiredness. On the way home he talks, something about work, colleagues, planes for future. His mood is perfect. She is flat-out, even for usual rudeness, so she replies “yeah”, “hmm”, “Oh, really?”
18.40 In supermarket, he chooses some food, drives cart, makes jokes. She roams right after estranged and indifferent. Near jewelry and cosmetic shops consciousness returns to her for a moment, but his “not-today” look returns her to prostration and darkness
20.00 Home, sweet home!
20.00 Bathroom, contrast shower, until skin turns to oak

He carefully has a look at the bathroom: “Honey, what would you like for a dinner?’
She, angrily: Your liver with bloody sauce. And leave me alone.
He, laughing: Well, you have it every day, don’t you still bore.
She throws cold water at him, but he escapes fast enough and bathroom is wet. She drags herself to the bedroom and fall out of tiredness.
He comes and silently asks if she wants dinner in bed or will go to kitchen
20.30 Dinner
21.30 Walking streets before sleep, they talk about beautiful future, remember hard past
22.00 Darkness, time to sleep.

She: Do you love me?
He: Yes.
She: Why?
He: Because you are funny terrible and capricious. Who will love and care about you if not me?
She: I love you too, for your kind soul, forgive me everything

Equator

It is 20th week, ½ of path is happily passed, my achievement +4 kg. A fetus is 25 cm high and 300 gram weight. S(he) loves to dance or play football there inside, after lunch and in the late evening, exact when I want to sleep most of all. Those little signs of life activity finally brought me to maternity realization. Sometimes, hitting is so strong that I can groan over suddenness. Overall infinite feeling of love and adoration to a little soul inside makes this special period of my life so fascinating. I’m afraid after delivery I will want to be pregnant again and then again, many times, until my husband’s suicide.
I’m not that graceful and light flying anymore. On the other hand look much more womanly and significant.
...today it was a dream, like I was making a birth at home... a little pink baby came out, there were no pain and no suffering. My honey was near all time, and when everything finished he cried out happiness and proud, because it was his boy. He put baby to the chest, gratefully kissed my hands and then annoying alarm clock kicked me out bliss.

Vacation

I will be out of office, home, inet and everything starting 28.04.2007 and will not return until 12.05.2007
Flippers, mask and brilliant funniest Exler’s Egypt traveling notes are acquired. Roll list of souvenirs is prepared.
Egypt, get ready, I’m coming!!
Ura!!!

The family scene

Roles:

Doctor Drug, yesterday's student, loves pretty nurses and considers self smart and fun.
Pregnant Mrs. N, hates doctors and males immaturity.
Happy Mr. N is afraid of difficulties and responsibilities.

Play:

Dr Drug: Good day, beauty! How are you doing?
Mrs. N: Thanks, fine…I would want…
Dr Drug: Take off your clothes, please, we will see…
Mrs. N: What?? No, I just wanted…
Dr Drug: Who is that guy near my cabinet by the way?
Mrs. N: It’s my husband, and what?
Dr Drug: Ha-ha. He doesn’t suit you, I’m better!
Mrs. N: What?!?!?
Dr Drug: Come on, nervous baby, I’m kidding. Soon you will look like hippopotamus and nobody will flirt with you. Ha-ha-ha. So what did you want?
Mrs. N: I wanted to make an ultrasonic diagnostics!! To make sure everything is fine with my baby!!
Dr Drug: Muahaha, what a complicated words we know. Ok, lay there…

10 minutes of unpleasant manipulations and confusing doctor’s jokes and Mrs. N got know everything is good, baby is strong, healthy and well developed. She goes out and meets Mr. N is out of impatience.

Mr. N: So how do you feel? Is there anything? – 3 months passed, but he still hopes test was mistaken and there is nothing.
Mrs. N annoyed by doctor, by her man, by all men in the world decided to make a little fun: Honey, I am so happy and want to congratulate you!
Mr. N, pale white with trembling hands: Congratulate me? W-why?
Mrs. N: We wait triples!!! And they all females!
Mr. N, breathing hard and holding hand on the heart: Ohhhhh…
Mrs. N: Just imagine, dear, three cutie little girls!! First words they will say will be: “Daddy, we have nothing to wear, buy us new dresses!“. And you will be forced to buy 3 dresses, 3 pair of shoes, 3 bags, 3…
Mr. N, losing consciousness: Ohhh nooooooo…..kill me better…..
Mrs. N: No, not now. Who will play, wash and feed them, if not you, while I will be at work or in the dance school?
Mr. N falls down with heart attack. Mrs. N humming last radio hit leaves a hospital. Doctor Drug comes out with huge syringe to save dying Mr. N.

Drop-curtain.

О коне

«Коня на скаку остановит,
В горящую избу войдет…»
А ей бы хотелось иначе,
Надеть подвенечный наряд…
Но кони все скачут и скачут,
А избы горят и горят.

What must do every girl till 25

The first quarter is almost passed, let sum up results:

1. Live at least a month in another city. (+ usually has lived in another cities and countries every summer in teenage)

2. Come to hate pizza, coca-cola and other teenage food. Grow fond of soup. (+ still love teenage food, but soup is preferable)

3. Buy a designed dress. (- postponed again :( )

4. Learn walking on high heels even on ice-covered ground without falling. (- I’m too high on high heels)

5. Visit very expensive restaurant. (+ thanks to my foreign relatives)

6. Pass all levels of favorite computer games and stop playing them. (+ if only HoMM III created one more campaign, I would pass it immediately)

7. Make a declaration of love to a boy first. (- - - Never!!)

8. Have at least one blind date. (- has organized blind dates for others, can’t imagine myself on a blind date)

9. Work at some stupid work: promo-girl, cosmetic distributor, phone operator. (- worked only like IT for various fields)

10. Leave home with scandal. (- made others leave home)

11. Live alone. (- can’t even imagine it in the worst dream)

12. Live with boyfriend. (+)

13. Become reconciled with parents and visit them on Saturday dinners. (+ visit them once a month)

14. Fly abroad on weekends. Waste huge amount of money happy-go-lucky. (- going to do it in the nearest future)

17. Find an idol, become a right fanatic, visit all his concerts and collect posters. Wait until he get married and finally start listening good music. (+ I still in love with Kuzma Skryabin, wait untill he get divorced!! Is that bad?)

18. Enter a good university, as your parents always has dreamed. Finish with red diploma or happily get married on the second student year. (+ both statement are truly)
19. Feel the difference between soluble and ground coffee. (+ both are terrible, hate it)
20. Feel the difference between packed and welded tee. (+ it’s like comparing skies and earth)

21. Forget forever what the bisector is and what equal tangent multiple cotangents. (- I would love to forget it as a nightmare but unfortunately can’t)

24. Have «shoes plus bag» set in tune with each other. (- has shoes and bags of all colors of rainbow, but none of the same tune :( )

25. Made a tattoo or pirsing, whatever you want, then will be late. (+ black Celtic tattoo made in 16)

26. Color your beautiful long curls. Recolor. No, the chemistry is better. Cut all this horror. Grow it one more time and start from the beginning. (+ has done it before many times, last years all is natural, color and length)

27. Try all possible experiments with style: pank, disco, sexy, glamour. (+ heavy metal was the funniest, last time favorite style is romantic-classic, veils, long skirts and dresses)

28. At least once disgrace yourself greatly: lose a bra in a swimming pool, forget all words from paper, speaking in public. Take everything with humor. (+ forget choreography on public, sometimes forget usual sequence on my own dance lessons, act as if it was put-up expressly)

29. Find a friend, who wishes you everything good. (+)

30. Make somebody crazy (it is allowed to do several times). (+)

31. Get crazy by somebody (it is allowed to do several times too). (+)

32. Learn how to earn money. (- hate earning money, just want to be rich without earning)

33. Find somebody, who is able to earn. (+ let God saves him!)

34. Make several romances in one night. (- pretend to be faithful and not so easy going)

35. Learn driving a car. (+)

36. Learn driving a car without danger for others. (- need a driver, after the last crash will never drive a car again)

37. Learn cooking some masterpiece, do it regularly for dearest guests. (+ adore cooking and treating to family and friends)

38. Spend at least one year in party-non-stop rhythm. Entertain twenty-four hours a day. (- it has never been my life style)

39. Travel, stop in hostels. After 25 nobody will let you live there. (- traveled, but has lived in normal hotels or friends home)

40. Try some extreme entertaining, parachute or banja jumping. (- - - Never!!)

41. Receive an indecently expensive present. (- does anyone want to give me an indecently expensive present?? I will be indecently grateful!)

42. Make a list of favorite producers with 100 items. (- producers? Are they guys who make films?)

43. Learn foreign language. (+ has started studding 3 languages, succeed in English most of all)

44. Read all series of cheap novels, or just read a lot. (- read abnormally lot, rubbish mainly)

45. Quit a job with scandal. (- always too much happy quitting a job, there were no place for scandal)
46. Go for a drive on a limousine. (+ one prime minister once gave me a lift)

47. Try several modern diets, make right conclusion. (- has never any problem with weigh)

48. Dance a strip at least once. (+ why once?)

49. Wake up in unknown flat. (- hope I’ll avoid it further also)

50. Visit courses «free driving» or «right-half-brains drawing» or some other weird courses. (+ has visited so many weird courses that easily can organize my own)

Too much incomplete task and too little time, afraid I will not perform them even till 100 years.

The first swallows - oblivion

I’m not sure it is connected with current position, but can’t find any another satisfactory reason for the changes, happened to me last time.

Usually quite well organized, I lost my good orderliness, quick wits and smartness. For instance, when the cash finished, I came to nearest ATM, put a card into and then realized that do not remember any digital of pin code, which have entered thousand times before. I’ve tried to remember and made two attempts, both failed. The good thing that automat returned my card and money left not wasted. But I’ve thought all evening about unexpected lapse of memory. My head full of passwords and logins…will I lose them all soon?!

The worse accident happened in a week. I remembered about dad’s birthday 4 days later its date. Lot of people used to forget important dates of close people, but I’m not the like, a nice present was prepared month before! I tried to smooth over shame informing parents about my happiness. They started pitting me, like if I broke my life forever. Love my family and their “support”, how good to leave on my own!

There were also forgetting about meetings, misplacing performance on dance repetitions, loosing important notes ect. One girl, which passed through it, said it is just beginning, further will be worse. She promised me on the late term turning into total dummy.

I was very glad - it’s much easier to live like idiot, empty head, no garbage thoughts, careless, no headaches…

Return

Too many events happened last time and I was too lazy to describe it. But it’s time to work now, so in short:

One our family friend got married. The day of wedding was the coldest this winter. The bride was very beautiful and a bit pregnant, groom was shocked and sad – this is a typical picture of Ukrainian wedding. Plus, lively tamada (toast-master) and Verka Serdjuchka’s songs set made this fest traditionally fun and entertaining. I danced till the drop, although hasn’t drunk any alcohol.

On the next day caught flu, several next days I don’t remember, and then there were a week of restoration in bed. The good thing is that I took a break from hateful work and had time to think. The bad thing was missed concert, wasted 3 months of repetitions and let down girls from ensemble.

Great changes are coming, all long term plans goes to hell. The carrier doesn’t important anymore and it hasn’t been that much important actually. So goodbye London, where I’ve never been, and IT industry, I will not miss you even for a second! The unachievable dance stars will always remain high up in the skies and there will be no chance to join their line. But I will have something much better, than fake short glory, shine spangles dresses and public admiration.

The last wish is a good careless vacation in the South and after it I’ll be ready to accept my new state.

On weekends I’ve had several dance classes. One teacher was sick, so I replaced her. Her learners were attached to their teacher very much and met me quite cold and skeptical. If earlier I would die of nervousness, this time I was calm like an elephant. Several moths’ experience of teaching formed ability to interact with any kind of audience. My own group treated me like a mother. They congratulated me with 8th of March and even gave a present, what was terribly embarrassing but very pleasant.

My honey experienced great shock, which made him sick physically and morally. Reason for it was my trick. It may become my last trick, but I have no regrets and very glad of myself. Moreover he gets better and almost humbled, I suspect, he is happy deep inside, somewhere very deep.

He-he, think twice before attaching to wild sly woman!