Do they have any logic at all?

He is 21 has no stable work after return from Army, drinks. She is 20, works at the pay desk in supermarket, pregnant. His mother insisted on marriage.

In place of girl I wouldn’t marry idiot and would save baby for myself (it is easier to feed one baby then baby + adult cretin), but she wants that marriage.

Why? Blind love? Prejudices? Hope for changes? He wasted time, drinking with friends, while she was working pregnant on quite hellish job. Why the hell he will suddenly change?

They have no where to live and are living now in his parent’s house, what doesn’t add happiness to relations for sure, everyday hysterics and fights. And finally wedding – their incomes not more then 400-600 $ for family, wedding budget for now is 3 000 $. She took debt to organize everything. How she is going return debt when she will not be able to work soon?

Why not to make modest wedding and save more money for baby? It’s his mom is decided to make investment project, hoping that guests will present double more sum. Genius plan! Even better then playing lottery!

Why people having a lot of troubles tend to make even more troubles, in geometric progression? Because they know there is somebody near who will save them, who will always respond to the call of blood. It’s sad only they never respond to that Somebody’s advices.

“Don’t teach us life, better help materially!” (c) immortal Ellochka

The family scene

Roles:

Doctor Drug, yesterday's student, loves pretty nurses and considers self smart and fun.
Pregnant Mrs. N, hates doctors and males immaturity.
Happy Mr. N is afraid of difficulties and responsibilities.

Play:

Dr Drug: Good day, beauty! How are you doing?
Mrs. N: Thanks, fine…I would want…
Dr Drug: Take off your clothes, please, we will see…
Mrs. N: What?? No, I just wanted…
Dr Drug: Who is that guy near my cabinet by the way?
Mrs. N: It’s my husband, and what?
Dr Drug: Ha-ha. He doesn’t suit you, I’m better!
Mrs. N: What?!?!?
Dr Drug: Come on, nervous baby, I’m kidding. Soon you will look like hippopotamus and nobody will flirt with you. Ha-ha-ha. So what did you want?
Mrs. N: I wanted to make an ultrasonic diagnostics!! To make sure everything is fine with my baby!!
Dr Drug: Muahaha, what a complicated words we know. Ok, lay there…

10 minutes of unpleasant manipulations and confusing doctor’s jokes and Mrs. N got know everything is good, baby is strong, healthy and well developed. She goes out and meets Mr. N is out of impatience.

Mr. N: So how do you feel? Is there anything? – 3 months passed, but he still hopes test was mistaken and there is nothing.
Mrs. N annoyed by doctor, by her man, by all men in the world decided to make a little fun: Honey, I am so happy and want to congratulate you!
Mr. N, pale white with trembling hands: Congratulate me? W-why?
Mrs. N: We wait triples!!! And they all females!
Mr. N, breathing hard and holding hand on the heart: Ohhhhh…
Mrs. N: Just imagine, dear, three cutie little girls!! First words they will say will be: “Daddy, we have nothing to wear, buy us new dresses!“. And you will be forced to buy 3 dresses, 3 pair of shoes, 3 bags, 3…
Mr. N, losing consciousness: Ohhh nooooooo…..kill me better…..
Mrs. N: No, not now. Who will play, wash and feed them, if not you, while I will be at work or in the dance school?
Mr. N falls down with heart attack. Mrs. N humming last radio hit leaves a hospital. Doctor Drug comes out with huge syringe to save dying Mr. N.

Drop-curtain.

Who is worse?

Yesterday I’ve had “luck” of dealing with state officials and state doctors. So much humiliation, aggression and rage I’ve experienced last time several years ago in our state educational institution only.

Officials

The only one idea comes to head, our country has well-organized campaign against its citizens.

Unfortunately, Tax inspection, Pension found and Regional Administration are places, which I have to visit often, as I’m Private Entrepreneur. Why not to make procedures easier?! In each of these authorities are hundred cabinets, every one works once or twice a week in the most possible inconvenient time.

Two types of people work as officials – grand slippery annoying men with running eyes. They have high rank and rich bribes. And fat, slow moving and thinking with big chemical nests on the heads women with acute menopause syndrome. They have poor bribes, chocolate usually, that’s why they are so fat. I hate giving bribes, hate flattering and ass-kissing, that’s why I know all procedures, last decrees and low changes and my papers are ideal. They hate my familiarity of the subject, a confidence that all proceedings are perfect, they hate my youth, high incomes and low taxes.

It would be much easier to play their rules, to bring candies, to congratulate them with some fest, to smile and tremble, to be more flexible for bending the back but I’m not looking for easy ways. And they “loose accidently” my checks and payment transactions, they force me to wait, to visit additional cabinets, they shout, they annoy greatly and finally submit everything and let me go.

Our government maintained system, which suppresses any initiatives and Private enterprise in very effective and organized way. Metallic nervous and strong boorishness resistance is a must if you want to survive among officials having a business.

Doctors

The main medicine in Ukraine is costless, like in former USSR. Commercial clinics are arising, but it is slow process and they oriented to the most profitable profile – stomatology, laser correction of vision and esthetic (plastic) surgery. Average official salary of doctor in here is 100-200 $. To survive in Kiev, you need 400 $ at least. The most complicated (7-11 years of studying), important, humane profession turned to miserable, lower-paid salaried. And it is quite hard to retrain from doctor to anybody else due to its specificity.

So, doctors have no choice as to ask for bribes. They don’t care about new discoveries, new technologies and who will care if he has no money for food and rent? People, who have serious troubles with health and have money, are trying to find recommended doctor and visit and reward him personally. There is no chance to find any normal medical service for pensioners, students and others insolvent categories, although it is officially costless and accessible. You may stay whole day long in queue near cabinet, but you will not be received, because “personal” patients go first.

If you were happy to enter cabinet, wait, until doctor will discuss last gossips with his assistance. Let me share one I’ve heard and remembered:

- Imagine, she has a 0.5 year baby and they visit sauna yet! Such a healthy beautiful little boy…
- Oh, really? New born in sauna??
- Yes, almost every day since birth they put him covered in sweating-room! I’ve heard, she is from Siberia and it is normal in there.
- Oh, of course, Siberians are very tempered…And what is his father?
- You will not believe, he is A-r-a-pp.
- Who?
- Arapp, Somewhere from the East, has business here, that’s why boy is black…
- Where she found him? Are there not enough normal men? Poor kid, they will mock him at school…

Don’t hesitate if you are naked and 5-10 unknown people of both sexes have glanced at cabinet to say pair words to doctor. Be ready to hear impression about previous patient and her illness – “She probably drug addicted, so thin and pale…did you see her terrible livid spots on the hands…such people usually live no longer 10 years…”.

Then they will ask your job (social status). Calculator in the head clicks, how much may be taken and then you will receive standard diagnose and recommendations. After all you’ll hear something like: “We need to buy a new diagnostic apparatus here in cabinet, but has no money”, “we need so much writing materials and they do not provide us” or just simple - “I expect for a little reward, he-he” – “would you give me 5-15 $?” (sum depends on your appearance, seriousness of disorder, job ect.)

You give and since this minute you are the best friends with the doctor and he may give you additional recommendations. You don’t give, and be ready to die soon.

Luckily, I’m very healthy and my medicine knowledge is enough for occasional indispositions. But in few cases, even if you are healthy, you need an obligatory registration in state clinic. In such bright and happy moment of my life, visiting it will remain the terriblest impression.

Now, I think, who is worse – the corrupted officials, making all possible barriers for business-makers, creators of new working places, instead of support and help? Or insensitive medical bribe takers, so called lofty humanists, giving no shit to patients and self developing?

Be my Valentine

Wish you to find a truly love, and if you have it yet, then patience and mutual understanding to keep it near. Wish you never find on 14th February in your better half’s phone SMS’s from 3 His girlfriends with hot recognitions. And if you found it by pure accident, then wish you take everything with humor – you attached to fucking popular guy.
Happy holiday dear,

Be my Valentine

Be my friend, don't go

May I ask you to forgive my fault, to forgive and forget? I realize whole depth of my misery and now I’m working for improving.

Having no fake expectations I was enjoying so much our games, arguing and making fun of each other. You may not believe in reincarnations, but I do believe and think we were close in previous life some way, may be like teacher (me) and student (you), or cat( again me) and mouse(guess who?). I’m sure we are relative souls some way, and it will be a mistake if you go away now and disappear forever. It’s a rare fortune to meet a relative soul, who able so easily to make you laugh, to change perception of things, to teach and to learn. Unfortunately I have so few friends, and if you are lost yet, it is one of the biggest and saddest my losses.

I love you bright and brilliant person. I don’t care whether you male or female (better male), white or black (the brighter the better), religious or atheist (pls, religious). I love you just because of your kind, wise, optimistic, joyful personality. Be my friend, be my brother, be my sister, just be, please! I beg, don’t go!!

Difficult lyrics

It is 1000th time when i'm listening this song and crying, that's why i think it must be engraved in my diary...
One of the greatest song of Mikhail Krug, russian chanson legend:

http://archive.org/download/Prisoner/mama.mp3

Text:

I.

Sognali kak-to na tsentral vorov v zakone
Mochilis' suki v proharya v t'ur'me i v zone
A potomu chto tam gde vor - skoschuha zeku
Blatnomu, urke i prostomu cheloveku

A nad Vladimirom visel bagrovyi mesyats
I kto-to v kamere zapel grustnuu pesnu
I grela dushi vsem zekam toi pesni plamya
Koroche kajutsya sroka, kogda pout o mame

Refrain:
A pesnu grustnuu v turme poet
Odin evreiskiy arestant
I slovo mama kajdyi uznaet
Gruzin, Rusak i brat Tsigan

II.

On pesnu pel s takou grust'u
Ne jaleya...
Kak mojet pet' i toskovat'
Dusha Evreya

I uvajeniem proniklis'
Arestanty...
K evreiskoi mame,
I k bosyatskomu talantu

Refrain.

III.

Bahur heudy she yoshev be kele
Shar zemer al ima shelo
Kha zemer pashut, ve atsuv im alev
Sevel ve tikval bishvilo

Haity tipesh, ah tislehi li imi
Khaval ein li hofesh hayom
Hakafti otah, ve ad ahshav maamin
Hshe or she ba, kmo halom

Plaything of destiny

They met in May, a beautiful tiny Gypsy girl and Ukrainian bumpkin. She had a silver thin voice, the big black eyes, a swarthy skin and fire like temper. He was high, broad shouldered, blue-eyed, simple, naïve and phlegmatic. In June she found out that she is pregnant. Her Gypsy parents came to his Ukrainian parents and asked them to marry their son to avoid a shame for a daughter. The Ukrainian family council decided to marry couple and take responsibility for the future children, although newly-weds both were only 16, and the boy resisted that marriage as much as he was able. When a head of gypsy family, old respectable man saw a groom at the first time, he said: ”This guy will not be a good husband for our Galka, he should beat her twice a day, in the morning and specially hard in the evening, and keep her under his thumb, but he is weak-willed…they have no future, just a bad fate…”
From the beginning marriage couple has lived with the groom’s family, but it was rather one non-stopping scandal instead of a life. Then parents exchanged their big flat and let children to live separately. In the winter were born Dima and Vova, gorgeous male twins. Calka adored her sons and cherished them every moment, when she wasn’t drunk, what unfortunately has happened not too often. The young father preferred to spend time in a circle of friends with a guitar and joyful drinks, than with unwanted load. All expenses for keeping Dima and Vova covered their grand parents.
Drunken brawls hadn’t stopped in an unhappy house, and neighbors started to complain of young family behavior. Once, the man next door caught Galka and abused her for a worthless way of life. She went home after that conversation and took a knife then came to that man’s flat, hiding a knife behind her back. When he opened a door, she stabbed him in a heart and after all coolly returned home.
Fortunately the wound wasn’t deep, an ambulance arrived very quickly and man survived. Galka was arrested and put into prison until the court decision. Her gypsy parents bribed the judge and turned everything like the man was guilty, the fact of having two little kids helped also to constitute justification. Galka returned from prison less then several days. It was her last trick, which gave an occasion to divorce with a husband. He wanted freedom and joy with no mad women or crying kids. She tried to return him into family, but it changed nothing.
Young father forgot about his sons’ existence right after he signed divorce documents, he finally enjoyed his freedom. Galka was a very beautiful woman; she hadn’t suffered from loneliness, but all her men for some reason started to drink with her and shortly after used to escape. She lived for a present, never asking herself what will be tomorrow.
Twins have grown up in atmosphere of scandals, depravity and drunkenness. Grandparents from the father side have tried to take boys from a mother, but all what they achieved was a permission to have them each summer for school holidays.
Dima and Vova inherited amazing mother’s face beauty and father’s strong build. Since very early age they were under special female attention, additional charm they have got from participation of the local gangs. Their very first money boys got from selling drugs. Another their business was serving rich mature sexually-hungry women. Life has seemed not that difficult until a police caught them with the big party of poppy straws. They went to a prison together on the same term, not too long, as their minority was taken into consideration. In prison they connected with thieves, which involved them into a new “cars” business. When police caught twins next time, a term was much longer. In prison they used to write long touching letters, sodden by sorrow, regrets for ruined life. They never blamed parents. Quite the contrary, they worried in each letter, how are there those poor drunkers, if they have something to eat and where to sleep. Prison became for Dima and Vova a permanent home. They used to return there right after discharge. All relatives gave up with situation and stopped visiting and sending dispatching and mailing. Nobody waits them back, the only rare chanson songs, accidentally heard in a restaurant or taxi remind of their sad fate.

Thank you for taking off my pink glasses

I suspected of availability too much attention to a woman in eastern country. That seemed to me fun character, peculiar properties of simple people in there. I lived several months in Turkish quarter of Frankfurt-am-Main, there lived not only Turks but Arabs as well, and probably because all emigrant feel sympathy of each other among often aggressive locals, I liked contact them more then Germans. They were friendlier, easy-going, ready to help, and more close to me by way of artfulness, playfulness, and their not-so-easy open-heartedness, so common for Russians, what goes to our Asian part of roots.
I adored oriental culture, religion, food, music, and dance. Most of my impressions were formed by Mirzakarim Norbekov ideas, old nice naive soviet’s movies, relations with our local Muslims, dance-teachers from Egypt and Lebanon, which lessons I have luck to visit in Kiev and visiting all cultural oriental-related events in here. Their immateriality, spirituality attracted me so much, each of them easily quotes the whole Koran. It was so uncommon, comparing with our totally atheistic society. Respectable, virtue, modest veiled women, responsible, never drinking, mighty men, hospitable, kindly, hearty families – they seemed just paradise society. Religious extremism was not so valuable argument against my blind adoration of traditions, any family has a freak (Russian proverb) and each finger is different (usually heard this proverb from Orientals).
But the fact I read recently turned inside out all my perception of things.
On October 23rd and 24th, after Ramadan finished, in the down town of Cairo crowd of men used sexual violence to women, who were unlucky to be on the streets those days. As I got, there were no difference, were they veiled or not, were they old or young, alone or with children\husbands\relatives. Just monstrous fact, men started suddenly group assault to any female in a radius of their view. And what is more terrible, that some part of society seriously assumes the victims were guilty. THEY JUSTIFY AND EVEN EXCUSE THOSE MALE PERVERTED ANIMALS.
Such accident could happen in European country, in war times, with hungry enemy soldiers, though they won't get away with this. But in calm time, after great religious fast, when people should be the most inspired, the most clean, in the greatest cultural Arabic center!
Each society has its own moral values, which changes with time. There is no sense for outsider to judge, using his/her values. But the lows of nature is the same for any society, any creature has its own right for safety, for life. Unnatural violence used to giving life, defenseless, godlike woman reflects great depths of naughtiness, perversity of system there.
I come to conclusion - religious doesn’t mean spiritual. I still not sure if dogmas and restrictions are good or bad. If they canceled, probably people would get back to their worst animal instincts and rivers of blood wash up their lands.
On the other hand if they stick to hard and fast rules their hot blood, exertion accumulates and run out in those awful events.
It impressed me so much, because it could happen with me. I was going to Cairo in November, on the dance fast. I dreamed so long about this trip, prepared suitable close and veils, which I thought will protect me from immodest looks and nobody will know I’m foreigner. I thought I could walk alone or in our girls’ troupe arrangement, and visit all those places I planned. Now I see what a crazy idea it was, and thanks God last moment I decided not to go. How sadly it is to let go illusion which I loved so much!

Anesthetization manual

If somebody gave you a pain, if this pain tears to pieces your heart, life seems not joyful anymore and you are so upset you could cry, try the way out of painful situation.

Ask yourself, who is guilty? At the first place, do not seek for the guilty person. You are the only one, who is responsible for your feelings and your perception of things around you, so the guilty one for your pain is only you, everything around is the only reflection. Do you feel offended? It should be very clear, that nobody wanted offend you expressly, if you feel offence that means you got known some truth about yourself not so pleasant, as you expected. If it wasn’t truth, why did it touch you then? You are guilty, forgive yourself, be grateful to a person, who said truth about you. It happens so rare.

Ask yourself, why things were so painful? Probably you expected something, what you couldn’t expect? Fake expectations are able to turn our life into hell. Never expect anything from somebody, just be grateful if somebody gives you something, and take it as a sudden gift. Open your eyes, nobody owes you anything. And if you opened some (seeming to you important) secret of your heart to somebody, do not expect it is interesting or also important for that person. It is your gift for that person, disinterested, but unfortunately useless, let it off easily, your heart very big, loving and understanding.

Ask yourself what impressed you so much that you lost control and allowed sorrow and regrets poison your soul? You always knew everything will finish some day, and were even wondered why it didn’t finish earlier, everything is predetermined, and you can’t deceive the fate. You can’t fly if you have no wings, you can’t change unchangeable things. You can’t change yourself in a one moment and cross out the things you believed and gained through your own life experience, through the history of your nation, trough the experience of your family. Never try change anybody, never give advises if you are not asked. Do not try convincing somebody of something, if that somebody doesn’t want be convinced, doesn’t want listen, provoke you jumping to personality. And especially if a person is master of debating, and you have just experience, feelings and very poor objections, not mentioning your poor language, which makes disability to get simple arguments of opponent.

Ask yourself, what you got from this situation? Everything what happens is for better. Everything what doesn’t kill you make you stronger. Be grateful for all nice you have got. Be grateful for every great moment you had, quantity of joy, fun and nice bright feelings you had is much more valuable then your sudden sadness now. Be grateful for all things you were inspired by dear person, for beatifying and coloring your bore endless gray days, for good changes that happened with you as a result of your connection.

You answered honestly to all questions above, and blooding pain changed into calm, silent melancholy, your soul set free from bad feelings and the only love, gratitude, tenderness remained there. You discovered with pleasure that still able be carried away so madly, still believe any dream can come true, still romantic and dreamy and still hoping...