Vacation

I will be out of office, home, inet and everything starting 28.04.2007 and will not return until 12.05.2007
Flippers, mask and brilliant funniest Exler’s Egypt traveling notes are acquired. Roll list of souvenirs is prepared.
Egypt, get ready, I’m coming!!
Ura!!!

The family scene

Roles:

Doctor Drug, yesterday's student, loves pretty nurses and considers self smart and fun.
Pregnant Mrs. N, hates doctors and males immaturity.
Happy Mr. N is afraid of difficulties and responsibilities.

Play:

Dr Drug: Good day, beauty! How are you doing?
Mrs. N: Thanks, fine…I would want…
Dr Drug: Take off your clothes, please, we will see…
Mrs. N: What?? No, I just wanted…
Dr Drug: Who is that guy near my cabinet by the way?
Mrs. N: It’s my husband, and what?
Dr Drug: Ha-ha. He doesn’t suit you, I’m better!
Mrs. N: What?!?!?
Dr Drug: Come on, nervous baby, I’m kidding. Soon you will look like hippopotamus and nobody will flirt with you. Ha-ha-ha. So what did you want?
Mrs. N: I wanted to make an ultrasonic diagnostics!! To make sure everything is fine with my baby!!
Dr Drug: Muahaha, what a complicated words we know. Ok, lay there…

10 minutes of unpleasant manipulations and confusing doctor’s jokes and Mrs. N got know everything is good, baby is strong, healthy and well developed. She goes out and meets Mr. N is out of impatience.

Mr. N: So how do you feel? Is there anything? – 3 months passed, but he still hopes test was mistaken and there is nothing.
Mrs. N annoyed by doctor, by her man, by all men in the world decided to make a little fun: Honey, I am so happy and want to congratulate you!
Mr. N, pale white with trembling hands: Congratulate me? W-why?
Mrs. N: We wait triples!!! And they all females!
Mr. N, breathing hard and holding hand on the heart: Ohhhhh…
Mrs. N: Just imagine, dear, three cutie little girls!! First words they will say will be: “Daddy, we have nothing to wear, buy us new dresses!“. And you will be forced to buy 3 dresses, 3 pair of shoes, 3 bags, 3…
Mr. N, losing consciousness: Ohhh nooooooo…..kill me better…..
Mrs. N: No, not now. Who will play, wash and feed them, if not you, while I will be at work or in the dance school?
Mr. N falls down with heart attack. Mrs. N humming last radio hit leaves a hospital. Doctor Drug comes out with huge syringe to save dying Mr. N.

Drop-curtain.

О коне

«Коня на скаку остановит,
В горящую избу войдет…»
А ей бы хотелось иначе,
Надеть подвенечный наряд…
Но кони все скачут и скачут,
А избы горят и горят.

Oh kroshka!

Russians refresh themselves with this cold soup made of ice-cold kvass (weird national drink most closely compared to non-alcoholic beer), sausage, cucumbers, onions, boiled eggs and sour cream — just imagine this horrendous concoction!!... And guess what they call this "soup" ... They call it "Ohkroshka"... pretty difficult to articulate, huh? And now get ready for a translation. "Ohkroshka" means "Oh baby"!

The best from the last

Two Ukrainian girls about vacation:

- I’m going to Egypt for a week. But have no idea about how much cash money I need to take with me?
- Well, take 500 $ and it will be pretty enough for quite worthy rest level. But if you are going to have unworthy one, then take nothing and bring 2000$ back.

* * *

There is a branch office of one huge and famous American company in Moscow – let call it “ABC”. So, several days ago an order was delivered to Moscow office of ABC: company organizes for gay-coworkers corporate party in Las Vegas. And they demand from Russia gays for participating. Not less than two, but no more than 5. Coworkers strained themselves, management started to think hardly. Las Vegas for some reason didn’t make glad anyone. But masterful manager is always able to find a decision: two sellers with the worst quarter results will go to the fest.

Man or woman, whose life is better?

That was too much funny discussion, can't resist publishing it. I don't really sure if it is better to be a woman then a man, but I definitely positive to keep own origin for everyone and to not try living seriosly the way of opposite sex.

A(f): Did I tell you how much I wish I had been born a man?

B(f): Are you serious? You would want to be a man? Oh….imagine, everyone expect you to be strong, never cry, your girlfriends would try hard to get presents and money from you. Man has no right to be weak and emotional. His sense of life is to provide family and be on worthy level with other men – good car, house, beautiful wife ect. If man has none of it, he is deeply unhappy and feels himself worthless. Woman’s life is much easier and more sensible seems to me… And man's body is less attractive them woman's. We are such round, soft, plastic and delicate everywhere :)

A(f): 1. For a man it's much easier to find a job (evading military service is not such a big problem nowadays:)));
2. If a man doesn't have a posh car and mansion, it's not a crime and as for me, it doesn't make him unworthy;
3. Menfolk never go through childbirth torment and don't have troubles with menstruation;
4. If a man had a lot of lovers they would call him Casanova, but if a woman had a lot of lovers they would call her a whore;
5. According to what I've heard from religion, all women are sinners from the start, just because they are women, and all the men are nearly saints (what a nonsense!);
6. Men never suffer so hard and long as we do after breaking with sweethearts. After all, it's a man who usually dumps a woman, and when a woman casts away a man, it's most often for the purpose of avoiding him being the first to do it...

And no doubt, men still have more rights than women do (IMHO).

About attractivity: there are a lot of handsome men, aren't there?

B(f): 1. Woman doesn’t need a job at all, she can find a man, who cares about her and she will be treated as worthy (good housewife or caring girlfriend). Man who would try to attach rich woman and live for her cost is miserable Alfonse.
2. It is not a crime for you? Who would you chose between two equally good men, one with posh car or bus passenger? We have to choose the worthiest, to provide our posterity. We can’t let losers be fathers of our children and degenerate whole population.
3. Childbirth is not a torment, it’s the greatest gift for a woman, as well as pregnancy, just imagine, you are giving a new life to a tiny innocent creature or little soul grows in your womb, and day by day you are giving all your love and care to it…Men so poor because aren’t able to have such experience. Agree, periods sucks, but they have troubles also with pollutions and their hornyness. Once I was walking after the lady in the short skirt, so short that it was possible to recognize her pants fashion, and it was so fun to witness men reaction. They became just paralyzed for several minutes. They couldn’t walk, talk, drive a car….were able just to watch with hungry eyes…We are not that weak, thanks God.
4. Yes, we are blamed to have a lot of lovers in all times…but is it really needed to sleep with all them? I mean, we can have a lot of friends, give them a little hope and use for our needs so called "frendship" between m and f, manipulating their feelings as much as they manipulate ours, been dishonest and sleeping around. It is not prohibited. In this case you are just sociable and sweet. We are not horny, we don’t need a lot of lovers at the first place, even one man is too much enough sometimes...
5. Well, agree. The authors of religious texts are men. This should be taken into consideration. In real, we almost never kill or fight, we less depraved, giving life creatures are defenitely closer to God.
6. If you are interested and have time or, read this - http://protopop.chat.ru/tl3.html. He turned my perception of relationships inside out. There are only rare men who dare to cast away women, usually it is only our initiative, direct or indirect. Men suffer the same.
It is like with women, there are some cynical women and men who don’t suffer, and there are romantic and emotional women and men who suffer.

Yes, they have more rights and MUCH more responsibilities. Nowadays woman formally is allowed to do everything what a man do, the question is - does she really need do all that…

Really handsome man is very likely a gay. It’s a shame for a man care to much about appearance. In general, they less attractive then we are, they have ruder lines.

C(m): So funny to read your comparisons between men and women. My impression is that women never realize what freedom means to a man. Women in most cases want to take control over you. They would always demand your care and attention. Yet I never met a self-sufficient woman. That would herself be responsible for her emotional ups and downs. I hate to see women expecting men to make them happy. That's so childish and inmature.

B(f): OMG, why men care so much about their freedom, instead of giving us all their time, care, attention and credit cards, that would make us really happy :))))

...One more reason, why I would hate to be a man, nobody annoys me with such cheeky requests!

Continued here...

Cross

It could happen from time to time almost unknown man says several words to a woman. There are not very thoughtful talks, but the way of giving his attention, which we, women, always hungry can make us able to fall in love with him.

It is women’s nature to open easily towards feelings, there is nothing bad.

But in the moment, we realized our love, a fear gets control over. Completely to give up to love means to forswear everything, including our own well-being and ability to make decisions.

It means to love literally, in full meaning of this word, like Jesus taught.

But we don’t want follow his path, we don’t want be crucified by society. No, we want keep everything under absolute control, to be aware in every our decision and we want be able to chose object of love and admiration for ourselves.

What must do every girl till 25

The first quarter is almost passed, let sum up results:

1. Live at least a month in another city. (+ usually has lived in another cities and countries every summer in teenage)

2. Come to hate pizza, coca-cola and other teenage food. Grow fond of soup. (+ still love teenage food, but soup is preferable)

3. Buy a designed dress. (- postponed again :( )

4. Learn walking on high heels even on ice-covered ground without falling. (- I’m too high on high heels)

5. Visit very expensive restaurant. (+ thanks to my foreign relatives)

6. Pass all levels of favorite computer games and stop playing them. (+ if only HoMM III created one more campaign, I would pass it immediately)

7. Make a declaration of love to a boy first. (- - - Never!!)

8. Have at least one blind date. (- has organized blind dates for others, can’t imagine myself on a blind date)

9. Work at some stupid work: promo-girl, cosmetic distributor, phone operator. (- worked only like IT for various fields)

10. Leave home with scandal. (- made others leave home)

11. Live alone. (- can’t even imagine it in the worst dream)

12. Live with boyfriend. (+)

13. Become reconciled with parents and visit them on Saturday dinners. (+ visit them once a month)

14. Fly abroad on weekends. Waste huge amount of money happy-go-lucky. (- going to do it in the nearest future)

17. Find an idol, become a right fanatic, visit all his concerts and collect posters. Wait until he get married and finally start listening good music. (+ I still in love with Kuzma Skryabin, wait untill he get divorced!! Is that bad?)

18. Enter a good university, as your parents always has dreamed. Finish with red diploma or happily get married on the second student year. (+ both statement are truly)
19. Feel the difference between soluble and ground coffee. (+ both are terrible, hate it)
20. Feel the difference between packed and welded tee. (+ it’s like comparing skies and earth)

21. Forget forever what the bisector is and what equal tangent multiple cotangents. (- I would love to forget it as a nightmare but unfortunately can’t)

24. Have «shoes plus bag» set in tune with each other. (- has shoes and bags of all colors of rainbow, but none of the same tune :( )

25. Made a tattoo or pirsing, whatever you want, then will be late. (+ black Celtic tattoo made in 16)

26. Color your beautiful long curls. Recolor. No, the chemistry is better. Cut all this horror. Grow it one more time and start from the beginning. (+ has done it before many times, last years all is natural, color and length)

27. Try all possible experiments with style: pank, disco, sexy, glamour. (+ heavy metal was the funniest, last time favorite style is romantic-classic, veils, long skirts and dresses)

28. At least once disgrace yourself greatly: lose a bra in a swimming pool, forget all words from paper, speaking in public. Take everything with humor. (+ forget choreography on public, sometimes forget usual sequence on my own dance lessons, act as if it was put-up expressly)

29. Find a friend, who wishes you everything good. (+)

30. Make somebody crazy (it is allowed to do several times). (+)

31. Get crazy by somebody (it is allowed to do several times too). (+)

32. Learn how to earn money. (- hate earning money, just want to be rich without earning)

33. Find somebody, who is able to earn. (+ let God saves him!)

34. Make several romances in one night. (- pretend to be faithful and not so easy going)

35. Learn driving a car. (+)

36. Learn driving a car without danger for others. (- need a driver, after the last crash will never drive a car again)

37. Learn cooking some masterpiece, do it regularly for dearest guests. (+ adore cooking and treating to family and friends)

38. Spend at least one year in party-non-stop rhythm. Entertain twenty-four hours a day. (- it has never been my life style)

39. Travel, stop in hostels. After 25 nobody will let you live there. (- traveled, but has lived in normal hotels or friends home)

40. Try some extreme entertaining, parachute or banja jumping. (- - - Never!!)

41. Receive an indecently expensive present. (- does anyone want to give me an indecently expensive present?? I will be indecently grateful!)

42. Make a list of favorite producers with 100 items. (- producers? Are they guys who make films?)

43. Learn foreign language. (+ has started studding 3 languages, succeed in English most of all)

44. Read all series of cheap novels, or just read a lot. (- read abnormally lot, rubbish mainly)

45. Quit a job with scandal. (- always too much happy quitting a job, there were no place for scandal)
46. Go for a drive on a limousine. (+ one prime minister once gave me a lift)

47. Try several modern diets, make right conclusion. (- has never any problem with weigh)

48. Dance a strip at least once. (+ why once?)

49. Wake up in unknown flat. (- hope I’ll avoid it further also)

50. Visit courses «free driving» or «right-half-brains drawing» or some other weird courses. (+ has visited so many weird courses that easily can organize my own)

Too much incomplete task and too little time, afraid I will not perform them even till 100 years.

The first swallows - oblivion

I’m not sure it is connected with current position, but can’t find any another satisfactory reason for the changes, happened to me last time.

Usually quite well organized, I lost my good orderliness, quick wits and smartness. For instance, when the cash finished, I came to nearest ATM, put a card into and then realized that do not remember any digital of pin code, which have entered thousand times before. I’ve tried to remember and made two attempts, both failed. The good thing that automat returned my card and money left not wasted. But I’ve thought all evening about unexpected lapse of memory. My head full of passwords and logins…will I lose them all soon?!

The worse accident happened in a week. I remembered about dad’s birthday 4 days later its date. Lot of people used to forget important dates of close people, but I’m not the like, a nice present was prepared month before! I tried to smooth over shame informing parents about my happiness. They started pitting me, like if I broke my life forever. Love my family and their “support”, how good to leave on my own!

There were also forgetting about meetings, misplacing performance on dance repetitions, loosing important notes ect. One girl, which passed through it, said it is just beginning, further will be worse. She promised me on the late term turning into total dummy.

I was very glad - it’s much easier to live like idiot, empty head, no garbage thoughts, careless, no headaches…

Cut finger

Vampire cut my finger
Oh, nothing treats the pain
If only honey kissed me
I would be health and fain

Eyes fill with tears
Pain pursues me in life
A dream beyond the reach
I want to be his wife

I wouldn’t let him work
He is so sweet and dear
For joy and admiring only
I would keep my love near